Darrin was a Male Chauvinist Pig, or Why I Like This Century Better

I've always been a sucker for Bewitched, the 60's TV show starring Elizabeth Montgomery (yeah, I know there were some other folks in it, too, but did anyone really care about anybody but Samantha?).  I'll often watch an episode in the morning while I'm getting dressed, and I have to say, it's not nearly as entertaining as it was way back when.  Some of that is due to the fact that I am over (OK, not really) my adolescent crush on Elizabeth Montgomery, but mostly it's because I just can't stand Darrin!

I watched an episode the other morning that got me thinking about how society has changed since the 1960's.  In this show, Darrin went ballistic when Samantha told him she was going to the "Witches Council" for a couple of hours.  Of course, "Dum-Dum" went on a tirade:  "You're a wife first, and a witch second", and "Your place is here, at home", then finishing with the classic, "I absolutely forbid you to go!".  Samantha agrees, then gets her cousin to stand in for her at home while she goes anyway.  After some funny bits with Serena (also played by Montgomery) fending off Darrin's amorous advances, Darrin realizes he's been a jerk, and true love conquers all.

I remember watching this episode in the late 60's, and thought nothing of a husband "forbidding" his wife to go to a meeting (of course, I was a child, but I don't think adults thought the concept was out of line).  Nobody liked Darrin, of course - he was a boob - but that was based on his shrill personality, not on his outlook on life and marriage.  It was perfectly reasonable, at the time, for him to insist his intelligent, capable wife stay home and tend house while he went to work - even BEFORE there were children in the family.  On top of that, he insisted that Samantha perform all the dreary, mundane tasks required of her the "mortal" way - sans witchcraft.

Think about that;  You have the ability to do all your housework with the twitch of a nose, but your "lord and master" says you have to do it the hard way!  Why?  I understand not using your talents to gain a competitive edge in your career - that part is admirable.  But why would you insist on forcing her to push a vacuum around the living room?  In what way is it wrong to do that with the least amount of effort possible?  My wife isn't a witch (well, not most of the time, anyway), but she has abilities far beyond most mortals, particularly in the kitchen.  She can cook huge meals, very quickly, and have everything get done at the same time!  If that's not spooky enough, the kitchen stays almost magically clean while she's doing it.  Now, I can cook, a little, but everything is done when it decides to be, and the kitchen could charitably be described as a pigsty when I'm done.  Should I insist that Theresa not use her talent when she cooks?  After all, it's not fair that she can do it so much easier than I can, right?

In Bewitched, Samantha is smarter and more level-headed than Darrin, yet he is the unquestioned head of the household.  Her role is to support him, and in fact she bails him out over and over again.  Every time she comes up with the great idea to save the client's business, she pretends he did the work.  When there's a decision to be made, he makes it.  When it blows up in his face, she can always bail him out - provided, of course, that she doesn't rely on witchcraft!  Basically, you need to help, but you have to do it in the hardest way I can think of.

Other sitcoms from that time period featured similar values.  In Leave it to Beaver, June stayed home all day, and dutifully cooked and cleaned.  When the kids acted up, she usually deferred to Ward's judgement.  She was the emotional support, and he laid down the law.  In I Love Lucy, Lucille Ball was constantly scheming - without success - to move into her husbands world.  Of course, she couldn't pursue it openly, because he didn't want her to.  The Dick Van Dyke Show, one of my favorites as a child, featured the lovely and talented Mary Tyler Moore as a housewife who happily accepted her subservient role.  The women in these shows weren't necessarily oppressed (none of the husbands were as big a jerk as Darrin), but they were certainly less than full partners at home.

I understand that a TV show from the 1960's isn't a perfect reflection of society at that time, but I don't think it's too far off the mark.  My mother went back to work early in that decade, and - from what she says now - Dad didn't like it.  He made a point of NOT helping with housework, and it caused a major rift for some period of time.  I wasn't aware of any problems at the time, but I can believe it happened.  After a few years, he got over it, but I don't think he ever totally adjusted.

In our household, as well as in many others, things work differently now.  Major decisions are made together, but most day-to-day options are chosen by the one best in position to choose.  My wife typically picks out - and buys - her own car.  She's better at negotiating, and who knows better than her what kind of car she likes?  She will pretty much always tell me what she's thinking, and ask my opinion, but it's her decision.  Sometimes she has trouble getting the sales person to believe she's going to buy without her husband, but she can handle that OK, too.  I'm better at some things, so I tend to take care of them (home repairs being the most obvious).  Theresa cooks, due to the above-mentioned super power, but I do most of the grocery shopping.  She makes me a list, but I am allowed to deviate from it if it seems like a good idea.

Our roles have changed over the past 35 years.  When we were younger, Theresa stayed home raising kids, and I worked.  Naturally, she was responsible for most things at home - I went to work and came home to dinner ready, a clean house, and virtually no responsibilities.  Now, I have more free time during the week than she does, so I do a little more around the house (not a lot more, I'll admit).

In today's world, it's not just that women have the right to work - it's that they are starting to move into positions of authority and responsibility.  No longer relegated to clerical or service roles, many women are employed in management, engineering, or some other professional field.  We certainly have a long ways to go to eliminate the glass ceiling, but there's definitely been progress.

At home, more women are equal partners - able to make not only their own decisions, but also those impacting their families. Their new role reflects the reality that both men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, and it only makes sense to take advantage of those abilities in the household as well as in business.

Interestingly, today's sitcoms, while still featuring many stereotypical roles for both men and women, are now much more likely to showcase stronger women.  In Everyone Loves Raymond, it's clear the Ray's wife Debra is not only the brains of the family, she's also the boss.  Seinfeld features Elaine, who is more than able to hold her own with the guys.  Even shows featuring singles (Friends, The Big Bang Theory, etc) show women as strong characters, not just accessories for their men. 

TV doesn't lead the way to social change, it - imperfectly - reflects reality.  As for Darrin - if Bewitched was real, Samantha would have turned him into a toad within 6 months.  If I behaved like that at home, my wife would turn me into something much worse - an ex-husband!