Goodbye Old Friend

 

The end came with shocking suddenness.  Cassie had refused food for the first time in her life about a month earlier.  We put it down to a reaction to some medication she was on, and concentrated on finding something she would eat.  After several weeks, with only middling success, we took her back to the vet for more tests.  This time, they decided to do some x-rays, and found the problem.  Cassie had cancer - everywhere.  It probably started in her pancreas, but had spread to her lungs, stomach, spine, and other spots.  Our vet told us to take her home, let her eat whatever she would tolerate, and call when she got worse.

Amazingly, she started eating and showing some life again.  We managed to convince ourselves that the cancer was slow growing, and that we'd have a few months left with her.  A week later, the truth was obvious - in the space of one night, she went from outwardly healthy to barely breathing, and unable to walk.  We didn't want her to suffer, so we went to the vet and had her put to sleep. 

Losing a dog is very upsetting, and I've been terribly sad each time it has happened.  In many ways, losing Cassie is the worst of the bunch - but this isn't a post to make you sad.  When you bring home that puppy, you know this day is coming.  About the only thing that makes it worth while are the memories you're left with, after they're gone.  Here's my "Top Ten Cassie Memories":


Here's Cassie, locked in a deadly battle with a stuffed toy at the lake!



10.  Cassie was skinny.  When we first got Cassie, she was about a year old and weighed 47 pounds - on the same frame that would scale out at a lean 93 pounds about 5 years later.  She was the skinniest dog you can imagine - her ribs were prominent, her hips stuck out, and her head looked enormous.  She looked deformed.  To make matters worse, she lost 7 pounds over the next two months while I tried in vain to find a food that would agree with her.  Even with all her health problems, she was a sweet dog - walking nicely beside me, stopping to throw up, then continuing the walk as though nothing was wrong.  When we finally got her to hold food down, she packed on weight and was as healthy as a horse.  For the rest of her life, she was lean and healthy, her weight staying between 90 and 93 pounds.

 

 

9.  Cassie almost wasn't our dog.   I had gone alone and looked for another dog at the Humane Society, and liked Cassie.  Since Theresa wasn't completely on board, I wanted her to see her before making a final decision.  They agreed to put a hold on her while we were deciding.  After seeing her, Theresa was OK with her, so we went to the office to complete the paperwork.  When we got there, another couple was at the counter, saying they had decided to take her.  They were disappointed to miss out on her, but quickly walked back to find a different dog.  Had we not gotten her, I doubt if she would have survived - she was to be an outside dog for these folks, and I doubt if they'd have been willing to spend the money I did to get her healthy.  For the first month or so, I sometimes wished I'd have let her go with them.  I never felt that way after that, though.

 

8.  Cassie pees and poops on command.  We often traveled with the dogs, and it's pretty easy to get frustrated if they won't do their business quickly when you make a stop.  I got in the habit of saying, "Go Potty" when I was waiting for them.  Soon, both dogs would squat and pee when I said this.  Cassie would also poop on command - an ability I've never seen in other dogs (or humans).  On her last day, deathly sick and barely able to walk, I took her outside so she wouldn't get sick in the house.  She walked out, looked at me, and squatted to pee - even though she didn't have to go.  She believed that's what I took her out for, and she still knew what to do.

 

7.  Cassie is an obedience class star.  Soon after I got her, I enrolled Cassie in an obedience class.  I've found it's a good way to socialize dogs, bond with them, and give them some basic skills that are useful.  As the first class started, Cassie was terrified of the other dogs, tried to attack several, and was generally about as bad as you can imagine a dog to be.  Embarrassed, I took her to a corner of the room and worked with her alone.  Much to my surprise, she almost immediately learned sit and heel, and by the end of the first session she could heel right by the other dogs without a bad reaction.  By the end of her first course, she performed better than the instructor's dog!  I ended up taking her through a number of advanced classes, and she was amazing - her eyes would be riveted on me, and she would follow my lead without error.  I never worked with her more than about 15 minutes per day, and never entered her in any competition, but she was always the best dog in every class.  After a couple of courses, I even had her take the Canine Good Citizen test, which she passed.

 

6.  Cassie lets the bunnies live.  A few years ago, I was mowing the lawn, and I noticed a nest of rabbits under a bench in the corner of the yard.  They were very tiny, about the size of mice.  Cassie saw them too, and was just about to go - as dogs will - and kill them.  Now, I don't really care all that much about rabbits - there's no shortage in Nebraska - but I really didn't want to see the carnage.  I was also less than enthusiastic about her eating them and getting sick.  I yelled at her, and said, "Cassie, NO!  Leave It!".  She sat down about twenty feet from the nest, and looked at me.  I repeated my words, and she just sat there, staring at the nest.  I assumed they'd be safe until the moment I turned my back.  To my surprise, she didn't bother them the rest of the day, even when I went to mow in the front yard.  Amazingly, she never went and cleaned out the nest - when I'd let her out in the yard, I'd say "Leave It", and she'd go sit about twenty feet away, watching.  Over the next several weeks, the bunnies got bigger, until they were gone, and she never touched them.

 

5.  Cassie dodges the water spray.  When she was young, Cassie used to "go off" at times in the car - barking at cars, drivers, other dogs, cows, or whatever she decided bothered her.  We got the bright idea to cure her of this habit by spraying her with a water bottle each time she acted up.  She quickly learned the proper reaction - bark your head off, then duck!  Needless to say, the only thing we accomplished was to end up with a wet lab - unfortunately, it was Charlie, not Cassie, who took the spray.  I guess we did teach her to duck after barking!

 

4.  Cassie owns the paddle boat.  When we bought our lake home, we decided to get a paddle boat.  It was virtually impossible to get on that thing without Cassie.  We had to keep a leash on her, because if she saw someone on the other side of the lake, she'd just jump in and swim to them.  With the leash, she'd sometimes pull the boat backwards, trying to go see  kids.

 

3.  Cassie the fisherman.   Once we started fishing, we learned that Cassie liked nothing better than to go on the boat and "help".  We used a large cooler as a live well, and Cassie would try to grab the fish as they swam in the cooler.  We sometimes fished for catfish using floats made from "fun noodles" - foam swim aids.  Each float would have a line attached, and we'd throw around 30 of them in the lake and wait for the catfish to bite.  When they'd hit it, one end would go under water, while the other popped up.  With Cassie along, we didn't have to worry about missing one - she'd see it and get very excited.  If you didn't watch out, she'd jump in to fetch it.

 

2.  Cassie the lifeguard.  Cassie loved to swim.  She also loved to jump in and fetch your fun noodle - sometimes almost drowning you in the process.  If you managed to hold on, she'd tow you back to shore.  Sometimes, I'd jump off one side of the dock.  Cassie would jump off her side, and be there when I came up for air.  If I went to the other side and didn't jump right away, she'd bark at me until I jumped.

 

As I'm writing this, my mind is filling up with great Cassie memories.  I could easily go on with this - talking about my big, brave dog who was deathly afraid of flys, or how she'd trick Kodak into giving up his side of the couch, or even how she could fly - jumping off the deck to the yard 13 feet below, but I decided to make  this a top 10 list, so I'll stick to that, for now.  So, with no more fanfare, here's my number one memory of Cassie:

 

It's a tough life, but somebody's got to do it......

 

 

1.  Cassie the lap dog.  As a general rule, we don't allow the dogs on the furniture.  The exceptions were:  the downstairs couch (when we had a downstairs), our bed (only when it was unmade), and my recliner.  Amazingly, Cassie understood each of these restrictions - she'd often stand at the foot of our bed and loudly demand it to be unmade, so she could go to sleep.  After we moved to Arizona, I'd often find her lounging in my recliner when I came home.  The best part, however, was when she'd crawl up in my lap.  There she'd lay, gazing up at me with those eyes that said, "I think you're wonderful".  That's the image in my mind when I think of Cassie, and what I  think I miss the most about her.   



That's my Girl!

Cool, Clear Water, or Why You May Need a Reverse Osmosis Water System

The other day, I was listening to a comedian (sorry, I don't remember who it was) talk about the progress we've made in this country:  "In the 1950's, blacks and whites couldn't drink out of the same water fountain.  Now, NOBODY drinks from a water fountain"  All funny business aside, bottled water is huge in this country - according to Statistic Brain, an estimated 30 BILLION bottles of water are sold every year in this country, at a total cost of  $11.8 billion dollars.  That's a lot of money, and a lot of plastic sent to the landfill every year.

I've never been a big bottled water drinker, using it mainly to grab a sip when I'm out and about.  Since I never think about it when I leave home, I often pay $2 or more to purchase it from a vending machine.  Our move to Arizona changed all that.  The first thing we discovered was that tap water is room temperature only if your room is quite warm - no matter how long you let it run, it's more like bath water (especially in the summer).  In addition, our water had an unpleasant taste, and while I'm sure we could deal with it if we had to, it changed the taste of soft drinks (due to the ice cubes made with tap water), lemonade, and, if my wife is to be believed, coffee.  This last problem was the important one, in my house - I was informed that I would be dragging home gallons of water to keep the Keurig stocked.  It was also clear we'd have to buy bottled water for drinking, and it was obvious that we'd drink a lot more water out here than back home in Nebraska - the hot, dry weather can cause you to be dehydrated much more quickly.

If you buy water by the gallon, it's relatively cheap - less than $1.00 per gallon.  Even the 16 ounce bottles are fairly reasonable at Costco - a case of 24 Nestle brand bottles sells for $8.29 ($2.60 per gallon).  If you watch for specials, you can get it a bit cheaper than that, even at your local supermarket.  If we each drink the equivalent of 4 bottles per day - a ridiculously low estimate, since we average over twice that amount - drinking water would cost us in the neighborhood of $900 per year.  Since our real usage is at least double that, even purchasing exclusively bulk water wouldn't bring the cost down to an acceptable level.  I needed to look at a better option.

I toyed with the idea of a water distiller.  For around $200, you can buy a countertop distiller that requires virtually no set up.  These small units can produce about 4 gallons per day, so it could, in theory, supply our two-person household with enough drinking water.  One issue - at 4 gallons per day, it takes 6 hours to produce a single gallon, or 90 minutes for a quart.  To make this work, we'd have to be constantly filling and storing distilled water.  If we ran out, I'd be running to the store.

A better solution is an automatic distiller.  For a little over $600, you can get a unit that's hooked up to your water line, and has an integrated, 4 gallon storage tank.  It could produce water at any time (without human intervention), so it was a much more practical solution - I wouldn't have to run to the market three times a week because I forgot to add water.  The downside?  Well, there's the initial price tag.  There's also the 750 watts of power it requires when running - assuming the distiller ran for 10 hours per day (a low estimate, since it only produces a maximum of 5 gallons in 24 hour period), the electric cost to distill water each year would be around $150.  That's not outrageous, but remember the actual cost would almost certainly be higher.  Add in the cost of maintenance - not insignificant, I suspect - and, although acceptable, it's not free.  All that power causes another, bigger problem, however.  750 watts is a big power load, and just plugging this thing in to an existing circuit is not a great idea.  If I put it in the kitchen - the obvious location - what happens virtually every day?  Let's see - 750 watts for the distiller, 1200 watt for the microwave, maybe 150 for the coffee pot, and another 100 or so for lights or something else - we've got maybe 2200 watts on one 15 amp circuit (all I've got in our tiny kitchen).  By my figuring, that's around 19 amps - causing me to run out and reset the circuit breaker.  Of course, I could add another circuit.  This place is small, but to run cable from the breaker box to the kitchen isn't an easy task - figure $300, plus my wife would have to listen to me swear after crawling around under the house for a whole afternoon.  I decided to rule this option out.

What's left?  The drinking water solution chosen by most homeowners is the Reverse Osmosis System.  I talked to a water treatment company - they offered to install and maintain a system in my home for only $70 per month - I decided to just buy a system from Home Depot and give it a try. 

I chose an inexpensive, 3-stage system marketed under the GE label.  It's a simple system that comes complete with a pre-filter, an identical post-filter, the reverse osmosis membrane filter, a 5 gallon storage tank, necessary water tubing, and a faucet.  The system will filter up to 11 gallons per day, with the pressurized tank holding about 2 1/2 gallons - plenty for our needs.  About the only things I had to add were Teflon tape and a needle valve to hook into my existing water supply pipe under the sink.  The system was $149, so I ended up with about $165 total in the project. 

To install the system, first make sure you've got room under the sink for all the components.  That shouldn't be a problem, unless you've got a very tiny space.  Make sure your space allows good access to the filter assemblies, since you'll be changing filters a couple of times per year.  I left extra tubing, allowing me to pull the filters out from under the sink for maintenance - no bumping my head on pipes! 

You'll need a water supply.  The easiest way to get water is to put a "T" fitting from the water shutoff leading to your COLD water faucet.  Just remove the water supply tube, install the fitting, then hook up the supply tube to the top of the fitting.  Put a small shut off valve in the extra spot for the RO system - consult your directions to see what size output you need - mine used 1/4" tubing.  Your instructions will tell you which tube gets hooked up to the water supply.  Mine are color coded, but yours may be different.

Next, you'll want to install the faucet.  My system came with a faucet that looked OK next to my other fixtures.  If you don't like the included fixture, a plumbing supply store should have one that will work, but it's much easier to use the included faucet.  I changed my sink at the same time I did the installation, so I made sure I had an extra hole for the faucet.  If you don't, you'll have to make some decisions.  If you have a sprayer or soap dispenser, the easiest solution is to remove that and use it for this installation.  If you don't, you'll have to cut a new  hole in the sink for this faucet.  This may be impossible with certain types of sinks, so don't try this unless you're sure!  Remember, getting a professional to help or even do the whole project will be cheaper than causing a bunch of damage to your house! 

The faucet will typically have two or more tubing connections coming from it - one of which must be connected to the drain line.  My kit had a connector that was easily attached to my existing plumbing - be sure to follow the directions for the drain, so you don't have drain water drawn into the fresh water system!

After installing the faucet and drain, you've just got to finish hooking up all the tubing (again, most of mine was already routed and color coded, so there wasn't much to do), and mount the tank and filter assembly under the sink.  Now is a good time to turn the water on and check for leaks - fix any leaks before you finish the installation.

Before you install the filters, follow the sanitation instructions recommended by your manufacturer.  Mine required me to run a small amount of bleach through the system.  Make sure to remove the reverse osmosis membrane before you add bleach - failure to do so will ruin the membrane!  After sanitation, install the filters and membrane, and turn the water back on.

After reading the reviews, my only concern was with leaks under the sink.  Fortunately, I was familiar with the plastic push-on connectors supplied - they work fine if you use them correctly, but poor technique will cause a leak virtually every time.  I took special care to cut the tubing square, and insert every connection fully, and I had no leaks in the system.  If you don't like these connections, you can buy conventional connectors that may be less troublesome - as I said, I didn't have problems, but I understand some people did.

Some components are stored in a substance to reduce or eliminate mold or bacterial growth.  This goop isn't harmful, but it may affect the taste of your water.   After  installation is complete, you'll want to run some water through the system to flush out any remaining contaminants.  Other than that, you're done!

So, what do we think of our system?  We've been very happy with it - our water tastes just like bottled water (most of which is produced from a reverse osmosis system), and we have plenty of water for our needs - we even use it to fill the dogs' water bowl!  You should be aware that most RO systems flush excess water down the drain - if you use 5 gallons of RO water per day, you may very well use 50 gallons or more producing that water.  I believe there are a few systems out there that claim not to waste water, but I don't know much about them.  About the only thing I'd do differently is I would spend a bit more upfront and get a system with "snap in" filters.  All that does is make your filter changing a bit easier and eliminates the danger of leaks from removing and reinstalling filter caps or other fittings.  Not a huge deal, but it's probably worth the money to make life easier in the future.

Maintenance is minimal - you just have to change the filters about twice per year.  At some point, I'll need to change the RO membrane, but that will probably be after at least two years of service.  As I said, my system is set up so I just pull the whole assembly out from under the sink and do my work on it before I put it back.  I've only done it once, but the whole thing only took me about 1/2 hour. 

If your tap water tastes good and you're comfortable that it is safe and free of contaminants, you don't need a reverse osmosis system.  If you're not sure - or if you just like the taste of bottled water but don't like the cost or environmental concerns - install an RO system under your sink.

Are the Ten Commandments the "Basis for our Laws"?

From time to time, I hear someone - usually a conservative Christian - make the claim that the Ten Commandments should be displayed in schools and government buildings, since "that's what all our laws are based on".  That brings to mind a question - Is that true, and, if so, is it right?  Are these ten statements worthy as the basis for society's norms?

As usual when I'm pondering some deep moral issue, I turn to the foremost expert on the subject:

 



 

With all due respect to George, I think this subject merits a bit more discussion.  Let's break down the list, and see which, if any, are relevant to our lives today.  Should these commandments also be laws - should the state command our obedience to them?


ONE: 'You shall have no other gods before Me.'

OK, this one is blatantly unconstitutional.  The constitution clearly states that no particular religion may receive preferential treatment, so this one doesn't serve as the basis for our laws.  Should it?  Not from my perspective - why should we care what, if any, god you worship.  One down, nine to go!

 

 TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.'

This one is just stupid!  If this were the law, all art would be illegal - even the crucifix seen in virtually every Christian church would be reason for the arrest and prosecution of church leaders.  I have a picture in my mind of a swat team crashing through the doors to churches, smashing statues, breaking stained glass windows, and hauling pastors out in handcuffs.  Can you picture the black market value of the few remaining works of art?  This is clearly one of those commandments in the bible that are just plain ignored by just about everybody.  This is not a basis for any of our laws, nor should it be.

I should point out,  however, that when the right wing pushes for laws against flag burning they are breaking the spirit of this commandment - the flag becomes an image they are worshiping.

 

 THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.'

Easy - a clear violation of free speech - it seems like this is (correctly) directly contradicted by our constitution.

 

 FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.'

Here we have one that actually has influenced our laws - many states and localities have laws banning drinking on Sunday.  It used to be common to mandate the closing of auto dealerships on Sunday, although that is starting to change. 

Even though this commandment may have caused the creation of a law, it's not rational - why should my Sabbath be protected, while those of another religion are not?  What if I work six days per week - shouldn't I be able to go shop for a car on my day off?  Are police and fire fighters doomed to Hell, since they work every day of the week?

How do we keep this day holy, anyway?  Who decides if my activities are providing the proper amount of respect to the Sabbath?  No - this commandment should be scrapped, as well.

 

 FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother.'

This one sounds great, but what if your parents are awful, evil people?  Should we honor them just because of an accident of birth?  For that matter, even if your parents are perfectly wonderful folks, why should the government stick its nose into how we interact?  If you're adopted, do you honor your birth parents or your adoptive parents?  No, this one doesn't deserve the force of law.  Give your parents  - and everyone else, for that matter - the respect they deserve.

 

 SIX: 'You shall not murder.'

OK, we're halfway through the list, and I finally found one that deserves to be called a commandment.

Of course, as valid as this may be, it's kind of unnecessary, isn't it?  I mean, EVERY country has a law against murder, right?  And how about all the state-sanctioned killing - executions, wars, self-defense - aren't those violations of the commandment?  I guess you can get around it by saying it's not murder to execute a murderer, but how about those who are wrongly convicted, mentally handicapped, or mentally ill - is it OK to kill them?

Regardless, this is the first of the list that legitimately belongs in our laws, so we'll call this a win for the commandments.

 

 SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.'

I agree - if you're married, you shouldn't have sex with someone else.  Should it be a law?  No,  this is a private issue between adults.  It's a little slimy to cheat on your spouse, but I don't want the police involved.

 

 EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'

We're on a roll now - this is the second in the list that belongs in our legal system.  Legally, morally, and in every other way, it's wrong to take something that belongs to another, and I'm fine with the full power and authority of the government backing it up.

 

 NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.'

I can get on board with this one.  I don't think lying should be against the law, but lying in court certainly should be (and is).  To the best of my knowledge, every state has laws against perjury, and making false statements to police can also land you in hot water, so I'd have to say this commandment has been written into our laws.

 

 TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.'

Sorry, I can't get on board with this one.  I'd like to say I'm not envious of other's relationships or possessions, but that would be a lie (breaking a commandment, but not the law).  It would be nice if we could all appreciate what we have and not make ourselves crazy with envy over the things we don't have, but our laws shouldn't reflect that.  How would you even enforce this, anyway?  No, the government needs to stay out of my mind - if I act on my envy by stealing my neighbor's ox, arrest me.  Leave me alone if I just wish I had one like it!

 So that's the list.  I'm a little more charitable than George Carlin - I can live with three of them posted on the wall of the courthouse, but is that necessary?  Are we really going to improve our lives if everywhere you look there's a placard on which is printed:

1. Do not Murder
2. Do not Steal
3. Do not Commit Perjury

As for the Ten Commandments, I don't think they're worth the paper they're printed on (or stone they're etched into) - four of them are bad ideas, actively contrary to our country's founding principles, and three are general moral guidelines that may or may not make sense, depending on your particular circumstances.  Only three are worthy of being codified into law, and all of those would be in the law anyway, even if they were left out of the list.  If more Christians actually looked at the list, fewer of them would be in favor of tacking this junk up on the wall.

If we really want moral guidelines (not laws!) to help improve our behavior, why don't we tear up this bunch of drivel, and create a list that actually helps improve our lives.  Here's my take, just off the top of my head:

1. Respect the rights of others to believe as they wish.  Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and beliefs.  You don't have to respect those beliefs - in fact, if they're evil or cause damage to others, you should speak out against them.  They're still entitled to believe what they wish.
2. Don't treat things as though they're more important than people.  Symbols - flags or statues - are just representations of the important stuff.  Nothing is hurt if they aren't universally revered to the degree you'd like.
3. Don't use language that denigrates others.  Racist, homophobic, vulgar, or discriminatory language should be eliminated from your vocabulary.  Make your point with reason - if you can't, maybe your point doesn't deserve to be defended.
4. Take time to be with the ones who are important in your life.  Whether it's family, friends, or some organization with which you're affiliated, do something on a regular basis to make a connection with others.  If you're too busy for once a week, make it once a month.  If you're too far away, call, email, or write a letter.
5. Do something for the next generation.  If you don't have kids, you may think you're off the hook on this one, but you can still do your best to help a child - volunteer to read to kids, donate to children's charities, or just do what you can.  Heck, just vote consistently in favor of school bond issues in your community. 
6. Life is important, respect it.  Support the right to a less painful, dignified end of life for everyone.  Support a woman's right to control her own body.  Eliminate capital punishment.
7. Be true to your word.  Don't lie.  Don't cheat.  In both personal and business interactions, be the type of person that others may depend on.  Don't lie, cheat, or sneak around - be open and honest in all your dealings.
8. Be generous.  If you're fortunate enough to have a lot, help others.  That doesn't mean you give them things - give advice or encouragement.  Someone else succeeding won't diminish your accomplishments.
9. Don't be cruel.  Don't take pleasure in others' pain.  Don't kick the dog (or the child). 
10. Leave behind a positive legacy.  Some of us don't believe in Heaven or Hell - when I'm gone, I'll be gone.  Be the person that others miss when you're gone - maybe they'll even tell some great stories about you!  But most of all, try to make sure the world is a little better place for you having been in it.

As I said, I just wrote this list off the top of my head - I'm certain they could be improved (but I think they compare pretty favorably with the original ten).  Of course, they're not commandments (I don't really have the authority to command obedience by anything but my dogs, and they're not always cooperative).  I'd call these The Ten Suggestions.  Feel free to follow them or not - there's absolutely no reward in the afterlife, but you may find they make your time here on Earth a bit more pleasant. 

A Bad Movie - and an All Time Great One!

We haven't gone to a lot of movies lately.  A large part of the reason why is that we've just not been terribly excited about our choices.  This week, we decided to get back in the habit, and went to see The Other Woman - a comedy starring Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, and Kate Upton.  After seeing the trailer, I wasn't expecting much.  Unfortunately, I wasn't disappointed.

Diaz plays Carly Whitten, a lawyer who unwittingly has an affair with Kate's (Leslie Mann) husband.  The two become friends, and, while performing a bit of amateur spying, discover another mistress, Amber (Kate Upton).  There are some funny bits in the movie - most of them due to Mann's skills as a comedic actress, but the movie falls short of being laugh-out-loud funny.  The women bond over their shared heartbreak, but this is no "relationship" movie.  What you're left with is a movie that feels like it should be a screwball comedy, but just isn't very funny.  Then you start to think it might be a touching story, but you really can't relate to the characters, so it just doesn't reach you.

Some of the problem is that, at 109 minutes, it's at least 15 minutes longer than it should be.  I suspect they had to add meaningless minutes in order to have time to show Upton jogging in her bikini (admittedly an incredible visual), as well as show Diaz in all manner of attire.  The bigger problem, however, lies in the fact that the audience just can't connect with the characters.  Diaz is a beautiful woman, but there's no depth to her character - in fact, she comes off as cold, even after befriending Kate.  Upton is just there for show - she couldn't be more wooden if she were carved from oak.  Mann is actually quite good - her character is likable, vulnerable, and a bit manic.  Probably because there's more depth there, she's easily the most attractive of the three women - I found myself thinking, "What in the world is wrong with this guy - why would he leave home at night to see these other two bimbos?"

Fortunately, after we came home that night, I switched on the TV and happened to catch the last half hour of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (I watched the first half the next night).  This 1967 classic, starring Spencer Tracy (in his last movie role), Katherine Hepburn, and Sidney Poitier, has everything the other movie lacks - real, three dimensional characters, clever writing, humor, and drama.  Tracy, as Matt Drayton, is perfect.  A life-long liberal, he's forced to live up to his rhetoric when his daughter brings home her African-American fiance.  There's plenty of drama in his journey to a decision, but it's pretty funny, too.  Hepburn is, well, Katherine Hepburn - fiery, outspoken, funny - but also vulnerable and afraid.  It's not a perfect movie - Poitier's character is a little too perfect to be true - but most of those faults can be traced to it's era.  In 1967, a black man would have to be nearly perfect to meet most parent's approval, and that's kind of the whole point of the story - the ONLY possible reason to reject him would be based on the color of his skin.  Of course, in the end, Matt makes the right decision, and everything works out as it should.  All in all, if you're tempted to go see the new Cameron Diaz movie, save the time and money and rent this film - even after seeing it at least a dozen times, I can't stop watching.

Oh, one more thing.  At one point, Tracy asks Poitier if he plans to have kids, and what Tracy's daughter thinks about it.  Poitier says, "Oh, she's wildly unrealistic, as you might imagine.  She thinks they'll all be perfect, and that all of them will grow up to be president of the United States."  I guess they were a little too late - by 1967 our first African-American president was six years old, and about to move to Indonesia. 

Crazy Talk

So, I'm standing in the ammunition line at Wal-Mart (how many great stories start with that line?)  a while back, and I strike up a conversation with a guy behind me in line.  This fellow looked like a stereotype of a Wal-Mart gun shopper - dirty jeans and tee shirt, missing a couple of teeth, four-day beard growth - in other words, he looked about like me.  I made an offhand remark to the effect that it was amazing you couldn't buy any 22 ammo. 

For those of you who haven't tried to buy ammunition lately, it's pretty scarce.  In particular, 22LR is hard to find.  In my opinion, this is almost entirely due to the nuts who think Obama - or the UN - is about to take all their guns away.  In the case of 22LR - a low cost, low power caliber mainly used for "plinking", target practice, or small game - this is a particularly absurd argument.  I've seen no proposal to eliminate or limit this caliber (as a practical matter, I've seen nothing to  make me believe any limits on gun ownership are coming in the foreseeable future). 

In any case, I was surprised when the other fellow agreed with me that no one was going to be confiscating 22 caliber weapons, although he did say he was more worried about his other guns.  I didn't answer that, since I was pretty sure we'd see things differently, but he continued.  "He's a communist, you know".  I thought I knew what he was talking about, but I asked who "He" was.  "Odumma", he said, "No wonder this country is going to hell - I can't believe they elected him twice!"

I told him I could understand how he got elected, and that I had voted for him twice.  He was incredulous, "You voted for that BOY?"  I said, "I wouldn't say boy - he is the president, after all".  I did tell him - truthfully - that I wasn't happy with everything Obama did, but that I thought (still do) that he was better than the alternatives.

At that point, my fellow shopper apparently decided his need for ammo was not as strong as his disgust at standing next to an apparent communist, so he walked away, muttering to himself. 

So this guy has such strong feelings about Obama that he can't even stand in line with me, knowing I have a different opinion.  Contrast his reaction to mine regarding George W. Bush.  I happen to believe Bush was the worst president in my lifetime - a period of time that includes Richard Nixon!  I was disappointed when he was elected the first time, disturbed when he took us into two unnecessary wars, and absolutely shocked when he was re-elected in 2004.  I had a hard time understanding why ANYONE would vote for him, after the disaster that was his first term.  Because I live in a dark red state, my opinion was certainly in the minority, and I was constantly made aware of that in conversations.  There was never a time, however, when I was so disgusted to find myself standing next to a Republican that I just had to vacate the area.  I also never found it necessary to intentionally mangle his name, or to invent some crazy theory about what he was doing or planning (of course, in Bush's case, what he actually did was bad enough - no imagination was required). 

In short, this Wal-Mart shopper was afflicted with Obama Derangement Syndrome - the idea that our president is responsible for everything bad that happens.  Even more delusional - if Obama is for something, it must be bad, so it should be opposed.  This is why "Obamacare", originally a Republican idea, is so universally hated by the right wing.  I don't love the new health care law - it falls far short of my ideal - but it's at least a small step towards true universal coverage.

Another example:  I was recently talking to an elderly gentleman from South Dakota.   He made the comment that his son - a health care worker in Georgia (not a physician) - had been out of work for over a year.  And now, "Obama cut off his unemployment pay."  I normally avoid political discussions with acquaintances, but in this case, I couldn't stay silent.  I explained to him that the senate - controlled by the democrats - had approved an extension of the emergency long-term unemployment payments, but that it was being held up by the republican-controlled house.  In addition, I pointed out that the republicans in Georgia had refused to expand Medicare, leading to hospital closures, perhaps leading directly to his son's unemployment.  He said, "Maybe I've been voting for the wrong party."  I told him I thought he was, and he laughed, and said, "I could never do that."  So here we have a man who doesn't know what his son will do without this help, doesn't agree with the failure to expand Medicaid, but can't imagine anything that would cause him to vote for a democrat!  I quit talking politics at that point, but I can't help but wonder, what makes people vote for candidates that support policies with which they disagree?

More crazy talk:  I was informed by a woman that the reason so many young blacks are in jail is that our jails are too pleasant!  She said, "Jails should be underground, like in the old days.  Most of them have it so much better in jail than where they live that, as soon as they get out, they look for a way to get put back into jail.  If the jails weren't so nice, they wouldn't do that."  "Couldn't it be", I argued, "that so many African-Americans are in jail because of the long sentences imposed on non-violent drug offenders?"  She also didn't recognize that blacks are much more likely to receive jail time than whites for similar offenses.  I told her I didn't think our prisons were all that pleasant, but she just wasn't buying it.  In this case, since I was stuck in a car with her for several hours, I changed the subject.  Sometimes it's just not worth banging your head against the wall.

Want another story?  I played golf with a fellow from Alaska.  He's a pleasant guy, and we were chatting on the way home.  Somehow, we got on the subject of health care, and he said that he - apparently due to a small percentage of native Alaskan in his heritage - could get free health care if he wanted it, but of course he turned it down.  I asked, "Why in the world would anyone turn it down?".  He said the trouble with this country was that people weren't self-reliant enough.  I asked what we should do with people who had serious health issues, but couldn't afford care.  He said, "the Eskimos would just float them out on an ice floe.  They had the right idea."  So here's a seemingly reasonable man, suggesting we just kill off anyone who can't take care of themselves.  Of course, he had a good job, with insurance, and no health issues.  In his mind, that's because he's eaten right and taken care of himself.  So, all you folks out there with cancer, diabetes, or any other debilitating condition should just go ahead and keel over so you're not breathing oxygen the rest of us could be using!

I could go on with stories like this far longer than you'd want to hear them (I probably already have, right?).  What is it that makes people so wrong-minded?   All of these folks are out walking around like everyone else - are they nuts, or am I?  I'm not trying to be one of those old guys who walk around talking about how the country is going to hell, but, seriously, what is going on?  Maybe all this crazy talk will stop in 2017, after Hillary Clinton is inaugurated............